“Any kind of change is really hard. It’s hard to see something you care about come to an end. But change isn’t bad. It’s scary, but it’s not bad. It’s almost always worth it. You have to embrace it, with baby steps, by doing what makes you happy while pursuing that new direction.”
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I’m not especially equipped in writing this because, as you'll find out if you continue reading, I'm actually not very good at saying I love you. Maybe it stems from childhood when, as a little girl, I would wipe kisses off my cheek in disgust. But actually, I don't think that's it. Let me go into this a little more.
I've thought a lot about the words "I love you" on various occasions. Sometimes it seems like the weight of the world is put on this three-word declaration. For many of us, we're groomed into the belief that love, in all shapes and forms, is the sole purpose and intention of our existence. So if we don't find that love, in partnership or in career, it's going to be a fairly miserable time. And maybe for this reason alone, it's a great resource of motivation.
Yet, the gratitude of love is most evident in relationships. Someone once decided that a pivotal stage in a relationship is this point where a couple decides to officiate their togetherness with the exchange of these words. Only then can they carry on to the next stage, brought to us by the fictitious rule book of relationships. Complications begin to arise when one person says it, but not the other, or, if the relationship never actually reaches this point.
Personally, I hate confrontation, so being put in the position of having to make an announcement like this makes me shift in my seat. But that's not to say I don't believe in this relationship stage...to an extent.
I'm of the belief that love needs to exist in a relationship (duh) of any kind. But I also think the value in which it's felt should exceed the value put within its vocalization. It's more important to feel loved for it to be genuine. Words can be dishonest. They can be shrouded in misinterpretation. They can also be contrived and empty. And in too many instances of repetition, words can lose their flavour.
Another thing that puzzles me about "I love you" is that it almost seems as if it were an incomplete statement. I love you, but why? I love you because..? I love you how...? Try putting any interrogative after the three little words and it automatically becomes more interesting. "I love you" is lazy, but "I love you for your silly Dad jokes" tells a story.
With some help, I've grown to become affectionate and understand the significance of love in a relationship. And I've both said and heard "I love you". But one of the most important things I've learned is that showing you care is essential. If saying "I love you", though a fleeting series of words, is how you know how to show affection, do it. But don't discount that love can be shown through even the smallest of gestures or even the simplest of words. And most importantly, never forget that love is not just a part of your vocabulary, but rather something unique that makes your heart feel warm.
** photo by my dearest friend Maggie Shipton
how I'm adjusting as a retired ballet dancer
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